Category: Matrix Glitches

When you make your emotional stability, mental development, psychological well-being, sexual satisfaction, or sense of identity contingent upon the acceptance, approval, affection, or support of a particular person or persons you are practicing a form of emotional blackmail. Even if you aren’t consciously trying to manipulate people, all actions have intent. Some part of you is choosing to make your stability dependent on the other person as a way to coerce intimacy out of them. This is very unhealthy behavior, everyone needs people in their lives but no one needs any specific person and requiring a specific person to meet your needs isn’t a healthy thing for either of you. The only person ultimately responsible for your mental well-being is you, and further, by making your mental well-being dependent upon someone else, you are practicing learned helplessness and failing to use your own power to improve yourself.

If you completely rebuild your identity as a way of coping with and recovering from trauma, but you don’t change any of the fundamental assumptions, beliefs, values, goals, morals, or principles on which that identity is based, then you aren’t actually changing anything, you’re just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Just because they live rent free in your head doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t abusive. If you wouldn’t tolerate something from a partner who lives outside your head, you shouldn’t tolerate it from someone who lives inside your head either, even when that someone is you.